February 15, 2023
My Dearest Ferlen,
I do not wish to be pessimistic or morbid. I know only that my secret work is becoming increasingly dangerous. Too much can go wrong, but I am too deep into my research to turn back now. I leave this letter in the event that I am unable to tell you exactly what my research consists of. I do not anticipate death, but I may become too mentally unstable to explain what has happened.
Over a year ago, I became interested in how some Aurors could block the Imperius Curse. I developed a theory that the Cruciatus Curse could be blocked in the same way. I threw myself into books about the curses, but I knew plain research would not be enough. I asked for help from Kinsel, who provided me with an exclusive source for research. I proceeded to ask for help from Marléne. She knew how to block the Imperius Curse and she taught me how to block the curse. In order to learn the mechanics of blocking the curse and to observe Marléne, I realized I had to learn how to perform the curse myself. I practiced on animals at a Muggle zoo, and I practiced on Marléne, who blocked it.
Once I could successfully block the Imperius Curse, it was time to figure out how to block the Cruciatus Curse and, consequently, learn how to perform it. I practiced the curse on spiders, but I was unwilling to risk the minds of others. To perform the curse on myself, however, was tricky. It is not natural to want to feel pain. I created a potion that breaks down one’s self-preservation without inducing self-destruction. It consists of two valerian roots, one powdered unicorn horn, two flying seahorses, three scarab beetles, and four pinches of powdered ginger. I take one-fourth of a cup before each session with the Cruciatus Curse, and the sessions are three or more days apart. I am very close to blocking the curse with the potion; once that is achieved, I will begin attempting to block the curse without the potion.
I have enchanted the basement to include a large room only I had access to; now you have access as well. Tap the back wall three times with your wand and say your full name to reveal the room. This is where I have been experimenting. You’ll find more detailed notes, books I’ve studied from, and the remainder of the potion.
How can I express how sorry I am that I got into this mess? I wanted to help protect people from the Cruciatus Curse. I hope I succeed, now that I’ve come so far. I also hope it costs you nothing. I kept you from my work so you wouldn’t be implicated in any way if it was discovered prematurely. I have no doubt that you love me, Ferlen- but after all this, can you believe that I love you, too?